Fear or Discretion?

The past few weeks have been a spectacular time in my life. I have really begun to understand things in the Christian faith that I never grasped before. Especially the term Faith. What a wonderful and yet so complex word that is. God has been so good to patiently teach me little by little all the things I needed to learn and relearn, and I am still a work in progress... It's beautiful.

I have been chatting with different people over the past few days. Some of whom have visited and read the stuff on this blog. Some of whom have no knowledge of the past few months in my life and don't know about this blog. I began thinking today... Is the reason I "hide" this blog because of fear or discretion?

Am I afraid of what others will think? Well... that depends on which way you are looking at it. The only one I truly care about their opinions is obviously God. But yes, there are people in my life that at this time I do fear that it would do more harm than good for them to know every detail of my life. And there are some that I highly doubt will ever have any knowledge of this information. This is not because I am ashamed of these past few months. Because while I am not proud to have walked away from Christ, I am proud to say that I have once again returned to His loving arms, and I have turned my life back over to Him. But that doesn't mean that every person I know needs to know this stuff about me.

I have no problem sharing this information with some people I have grown quite fond of within the VN community and other friends and some family. There is one in particular that really helped me through some rough times and even helped me find humor in it all. To her I owe more than is imaginable because while I am sure I could have made it back on my own, without her help it might have taken me longer.

But there are some people who I feel would be immature with this, or would do as so many have done with mistakes I have made and hold it against me. Use it much like a knife to stab me again and again, until finally I break down and concede to their demands... which is often to ridicule myself until I feel degraded and worthless.

I am not worthless, I am full of worth. God loves me with a passion beyond human comprehension. And while I burst to tell everyone of His saving grace, and His forgiveness, I believe that some people can hear the right thing without hearing everything.

That is my view on why some people have access to this and others don't. For those who have stumbled upon this site, by my invitation, by link, by Google or simply by random accident, please take into consideration the words of the VN weekend. What is said on the campground stays on the campground, and apply that to this blog. What is said in the blog stays in the blog. I have no problems discussing these things with you in chat, on the phone or in person, but do not discuss them amongst yourselves, or try to use this against me in the future to hold me back. I will not be held hostage by my past. It is just that... the past.

Well, sorry if this post seems "harsh" or out of place. But I feel that it is something that needs to be posted to prevent further incidents.

Jess