The Verse

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age."

Titus 2:11-12

That, is my verse that I need to be thinking about and contemplating for my next belt. A little early maybe to be thinking about this...but I doubt it is ever too early to start thinking about the word of God.

I think this verse is very fitting of this time in my life. Very.

Well. I think it is time for me to go to bed.

Jess

P.S. Yes, two posts in one day. I know... risky.

Emotional...

I hate posting when I feel emotional... or out of control. So I have been fighting for about an hour on whether I should post or not.

I went to my moms church on Sunday... I have not been to church in a LONG time. The pastor was so real, so passionate, so.... in love with Jesus. It wasn't just the message he spoke, it's what he didn't have to say. It's the fire in his eyes and the love in his voice. And it make me wonder, how much better is Jesus?

I felt welcomed by this pastor in a way I can't say that other pastors have welcomed me in the past. I felt good there... there was no pressure no cares other than to worship my Jesus. But having arrived in a bad mood I fought it off at first. But worship was beautiful, and I loved being in fellowship with other believers.

I have been reading a lot through Hebrews, Ezekiel, Genesis and more recently in Acts. I am learning so much, but I don't feel that I am learning enough. I even shut off the television the other day to read.

I don't know. The more I pray and read, the more lost and "dumb" I feel. I don't get it. I need time alone with Him. Today more so than a lot of other days in the past few months. I'm not sure why the sudden rush of emotions...

Jess

Does Anybody???...

There is a song called "Does Anybody Hear Her?" by Casting Crowns... It's quite well known as far as Christian songs go, and it has been stuck in my head all day today.

"Does anybody hear her? Oh, does anybody see? Does anybody even know she's going down today? Under the shadow of our steeples, with all the lost and lonely people, searching for a hope that's tucked away in you and me. Oh does anybody hear her, does anybody see?"

Sometimes I have pity for the person the girl, of which this song speaks. Sometimes I feel like I am in a way that girl. Sometimes I wonder does anybody really hear me? Does anybody really care about me? I think back on all the hard times I have gone through in the past few months, and I don't see the people in my life that I thought would always be there for me. Instead I see "new" friends there to help me down the path. It's these same "new" friends that continue to encourage me on a regular basis. These "new" friends that are questioning me about my walk with God, and making sure I am on the right path.

Sometimes I wonder about friendships. Why is it only intended for some friendships to last a lifetime, and others to come and go? Obviously there is the growth factor... new friends cause new growth and changes in your life. But I have never even fully comprehended this much about them. Why do some friendships end in hurt and disappointment, and others you feel at peace about.

Among these things, I have also been considering my spiritual needs lately. I feel empty and hungry... I know this is because I have not been in the word nearly as much as I would like to be in it. I have been studying as time allows, but when I look back on my actions in studying Buddhism and my actions as a Christian they are nowhere near alike. I find myself more easily distracted and far less disciplined. I feel a strong conviction on this subject... but the harder I try the more I seem to get more distracted. I have also had a strong desire to become part of a reunion group with TD, and to find a mentor. I need more growth in my life... a lot more.

Well. I worked a 12 1/2 hour day today, so I am going to hit the sack.

Jess

Discipline... Obedience...

For the last few days I have found myself deeply involved in a Bible study online about Discipline. It would seem that at this point in my walk I should be studying things like spiritual warfare... But let me give my take on why I am not yet ready to study such a subject as war. (War being the spiritual kind, not the one overseas.)

Most of my life I have been involved in either Martial Arts, ROTC, or when I was younger Softball. All of these things have one thing in common with the Christian "walk"... Discipline. To be any of those things... to participate in any sport, game or club, it takes discipline. More so if we are in a Spiritual Battle... that makes us soldiers in the army of God. A soldier must have discipline... A soldier in the US military must spend 8-12 weeks being trained on how to behave, how to react, and how to treat others. So why wouldn't I spend time training in Gods' word... Learning a little discipline? Sounds good to me. My main book of study you ask... Hebrews. Excellent.

Just my form of reason. Perhaps it isn't fully logical to most... but really...

Jess

P.S. My bunny might be pregnant. Anyone want one?or two?

My Little Buddy

So, tonight I watched my little brother test for his stripe on his yellow belt. Words can't describe how proud I was of him. He got up all on his own, without his big brother or big sister beside him to help. He did his form and said his verse... to the best of his ability... and did his self defense, which happens to be his favorite part of class. (As any regular member of the class could tell you.) It made me so happy to watch him...thinking back to when doctors told us after we got him that he couldn't ever walk or talk like a "normal" child. But look... look at what my Jesus did... look at how God has changed those doctors diagnoses around. He may not be an average 12 year old, but what he lacks in height he makes up for in heart. He has the biggest heart of any kid I know, and maybe he can't read and remember his memory verse, but ask him about the weather, or to pray for you. He'll do it in a heart beat.

I write all this to encourage anyone who feels like they can't do it. Anyone who feels like the world is against you... that the odds are too large... and that no one cares. The truth is God cares and He has a precious plan for your life. My little bro... my little buddy... he has never let anyone tell him he couldn't do something. He wanted to take karate and he is taking it. He doesn't care that he has mental and developmental delays/problems... He does what he wants because he believes that God can help him do anything. I believe him. I believe God.

Well that is about it for tonight. But I do want to say thank you to some super special friends that came out and supported us tonight. It meant a great deal and I do hope you will come around more often. The class could use ya.

Jess

Life Changing... Or Not...

All of these things have been running through my head. This magnificent blog post that would wow the readers who read this blog so much so that my readers would double or triple with that very post. I would receive emails and comments so fast that I could not handle them. And my post would be quoted in speeches, sermons, books, magazine articles and on web pages alike. Yes... I did have quite a stunning post. But the problem with that post is I can never get it out of my head and on to the web. It's like this little man on the inside stands at the exit for which that blog needs to get off and tells it that it needs to take a detour. Well that little blog gets lost somewhere between my head and my hands, and it never makes it out.

So until it makes it out... you won't find any life changing blogs on here. Just the stuff that actually makes it out of my head. Enjoy it.

Jess

Questions.

Questions I have been asking myself a lot lately:

-Even though this is a hard situation, can I see God in it?
-Do I trust God to lead me?
-What can I learn from this event/situation?
-How can I use this situation to help strengthen my walk with Christ?
-Are my feelings logical and clear, am I seeing things how God would want me to see them?

I have been asking this mostly about things concerning work and finances. But more so the last few days I have found myself asking these things about a brother in Christ that I have seemed to take an extra special liking to.

It makes me anxious inside to think about the future... and then I remember that verse "be anxious for nothing, but take everything to God in prayer and petition..." well that is the paraphrased Jessica version, but you know the verse I am talking about. I guess it's just a little different this time around. This time I am viewing my feelings for this brother in Christ with eyes that aren't focused on his physical appearance as much as his love for Christ. Though, on a side note, I do find him quite handsome. Well... perhaps it isn't wise for me to sit here and daydream.

But if it helps explain my lack of interest in phone conversations and loss of focus in the online chats then I've done my job. For now, I need to take this up with God. He knows the right answer.

Jess

2 Corinthians 10:5

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

2 Corinthians 10:5

This verse is so incredibly powerful and applies to my life so much right now. I don't know what to write about it... It doesn't need anything else. The Word of God needs no help.

Jess