Overwhelmed.

Sometimes I just feel like the pressure is too much. I feel overwhelmed. When does it settle down?

I have made a mistake...

Well isn't that the truth. But to be even more honest I have been making that same mistake for quite some time now. You see I get so excited about serving on VN and now TD, but I have failed to be patient and excited about each individual one. I have not even served 20 before I am worried about 21. 9 has not even passed before I worry about 10.

That isn't how serving should be. That isn't how life should be.

I am sorry to those that have been reading my posts and have been confused or hurt by my words or actions.

Jess

*Lets Out Deep Breath* Where to begin with this post?

Let me start off by saying that Jesus has been doing quite a number on my heart in the last few weeks and months. He has been so faithful to keep me by His side and make me feel loved, even when I did not feel loved by others in my life.

Jesus has taught me to surrender complete control of my life to Him and I will find peace. I have found such peace and joy... I know there are things in my life that I need to surrender to Him, but little by little I am finding it easy to do so.

My brother...or brothers as I should say are attending Tres Dias this weekend. I am excited for them. Next weekend I serve my first Tres Dias, then soon after it is on to VN #9. Along with testing coming up soon. Life is packed with all sorts of things to do. VN#10 won't be much different, I will be so busy... but I am excited about Katie. And I am super excited about Tina and#21. :)

Well... I must go clean my room.

Jess

God Answers Prayers...

So it's not that I really doubted God or His faithfulness to answer prayers. But let's face it as a human I saw my list of prayer requests and thought to myself there is no way God will be able to get through all of these. Let's face it ... humans are rarely able to see past the possible and see the impossible... well maybe just this human.

So. Prayers God has taken care of...well all of em. But here are the answers to some of them. My brother and Justin both got into Tres Dias. I don't know how. Maybe someone pulled strings. Maybe it was God. Maybe it was simple paper work error. Then... all of this stress with Tres Dias... two people have emailed me from my section in effort to "connect" with me. It may not seem like a lot, but it eases my mind. The work situation is starting to look up both financially and hours. I got a second job.... please pray it works out ok. I have done this job before this is my fourth year. It's for the Christmas season.

Oh...and this... My parents are praying about going to Tres Dias in the spring!!!!!!!!! Just them praying about it is an answer to prayer. It's better than just saying NO.

Anyone who reads this and has contact info on K. West... I really need a phone or email addy on her ASAP.

I love you all.

Jess

Frustrations

Today has been a half good day... I found out that my brothers and my brothers friends application for Tres Dias have been lost in the mail and they may not be able to attend the weekend after all. This comes as a huge disappointment to them. They both adore Roy Hooker so much...

Then I find out that perhaps things aren't as they would seem with serving on TD at all... I feel very overwhelmed by it all. A pressure to behave in ways that aren't common to VN... I feel lost without all the "youth"... It's just different. I am out of my comfort zone.

Then my friend comes over tonight and we spend the night entertaining my little brothers. Annoying as heck. I don't mind them, but I wanted some time alone... well friend time.

Geesh.

Study...Study...Study...

So these last few weeks I have taken to studying whatever it is I can get my hands on. I found myself "thirsting" for knowledge. Studying my college books from classes I had to drop because financial aide is not available to me... old math and literature books... translating words from one language to another... learning to read and write in the language as well... and most importantly studying the word of God.

I have found myself drawn to the Old Testament. Specifically Ezekiel and Jeremiah. I have been reading a lot of Ezekiel... What a wonderful book.

Well I am off to drawn myself in my studies. Perhaps I will be online later... if someone wanted to chat around 8 or so that would be cool with me.

Jess

Two Faced?

Am I two faced?

On one hand I proclaim Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I claim to put him first.
On the other my actions show little of Jesus in my life.

This has been bugging me a lot lately.
That is why the lack of posts.

Jess